I don’t know about you, but I’m so glad the holiday season has finally come to a close.
I actually overdosed watching the Hallmark channel this year hoping that my reality would somehow turn around and magically turn into what’s depicted with families on TV. But, to no avail…said with a sigh..
And, to make matters even worse, my husband and I were hosting his family at our house this year. Another biggggg sigh.
So, for weeks I tried with no success to get the tree up, and the decorating done. All that was accomplished was a mess that was strewn about the house. I just couldn’t get myself to do it.
I lost my brother two years ago around this supposed happy time adding more insult to the madness. The first year he was gone all of our dysfunctional family decided it was time to come back together, forgetting we don’t know quite how to do this. Needless to say, I was family-ed out very fast which led to me not being able to get myself in a happy, Merry Christmas mood at any cost.
I was so overwhelmed and stressed out, and really finding myself reliving the nightmare of my brother dying all over again. He happened to be the only one of my family members that I spent much time with over the last ten years.
As I was contemplating what may be going on I heard my guides say….“you’re not doing any of this for yourself”, and after getting quiet with myself I had to admit they were right. I’m doing all of this to please others. When in fact, after my brothers death two years ago, I could care even less about the holiday season.
I was indeed only doing any of this because it was scheduled.
I did decide in order to finish the task at hand, I needed to take a few moments to see where I felt out of place and start making the changes I needed in order to finish. In order to accomplish the task at hand I needed to find in me the PLEASURE of what was happening. That day I allowed myself some time to contemplate and feel why I wanted anything that was presented in front of me. I needed to make sure I wanted to be doing what I was doing otherwise I needed to make changes.
I did finally come to an understanding with my heart. There is no one in charge of the task of making me happy except myself. How my life may look to others may be different. No worse, no better, just different. For some, it’s about having a family bustling with joy, and for others it’s about having a family that is in total dysfunction mode. I realized the only thing that really was of any importance is how you look at the outcome of your own reality.
I realised life is to precious to be wasted. That I needed to make my day full of happiness. And it really is only by choice that happiness is born.
So, with 12 hours to spare the tree and the house were decorated, and the food was prepped.
I made it through, whew!! Albeit, slow getting out of the gate, I finished in a full gallop right into happiness for this season. And, I feel I may even keep the tree up a few more days….well maybe not. Just sayin.