We had planned for a June 21st wedding, but June turned into January.
We were planning to get married on the longest day of the year. Wouldn’t that have been nice. Summer solstice. Outside with nice warm weather with a hundred or more people present. We were thinking this day would signify a long and happy marriage. Instead, we married on the coldest day of that year at 27 degrees below zero and only 12 people present in our friends living room by the fire. On a day that added up to all ones. The month of January is 1, 1+9 = 10, zero is nothing leaving 1, and 2+8 = 10, zero is nothing leaving 1. 1,1,1. All ones. One signifies the unity of bringing two together as one.
I was originally thinking I should use anything I could to ensure a happy successful marriage since this was my second marriage. I failed miserably with my first one, and my husband Todd, had been engaged a few times before he met me, and then add in that I’m ten years older than him. I thought we needed every advantage we could get.
On the other hand, he just smiled at me, and went along with whatever I thought I needed in order to feel comfortable. He just wanted to marry me. He even joked about skipping all the hoopla surrounding the formal wording ‘do you take this woman….’ and just get straight to I do. And then, off to party! Yahoo. 🙂
I, on the other hand, took all of it quite seriously wanting to do it right. Especially since our families were not real happy with either one of us for who we chose to have as a partner. His, because I was older, married before, and had a daughter the same age as his sister. Mine, because he was new, and they wanted no part of me changing the dynamics of our family.
I wanted every advantage there was to insuring we were going to have a great marriage.
We read the book Mastery of love by Don Miguel Ruis signifying to be aware of what we really are. Love is the first step toward freedom, because we cannot be free if we don’t know what we are, or what kind of freedom we are looking for. The Toltec said, ”Let us see ourselves with truth,” I believed it would teach us how to see ourselves as the people we were individually, which would unite us closer and give us the freedom to be who we truly were, together. I think it worked. Also, the reason we only had 12 people at our wedding. We only had the people there that loved us for who we were. Not being judged by any of them at all.
Todd, has always said he believed he’d be dead had it not been for me coming into his life. He had been drinking a lot because he was lonely, and he was blaming himself for the death of his younger brother who died in a snowmobile related accident years before. He was choosing alcohol to numb his pain. I, on the other hand, had just gotten out of a 21 year marriage three years before to an alcoholic so I was not having any part of his drinking. He loved me so much he was willing to look at my way of life to help him heal.
I believe we were brought together to save each other.
He also helped me! He gave me the gift of happiness and fun. He taught me how to laugh and how to enjoy life again.
At times, the angels work in ways we can never really understand. I call it the smoke screen of fear. We can never really see clearly what’s happening until we get to the other side of what we’re going through so it can be very scary. And in this case, I think they gave him to me as a gift. I was very sure I’d never be involved with a man ever again. I would die an old lady, unhappy and completely alone.
In fact it’s the total opposite. I’m happy, younger than my age…he keeps me young with his attitude for life. He really is a kid at heart. And I’m not alone.
What I’ve learned since meeting this man I’m married is to never judge a book by it’s cover. Had I, I wouldn’t have had anything to do with him because of his drinking.
Second…never let anyone tell you or make you feel as if you might be doing something wrong. We both felt this was so right. Of course we have our difficulties at times. And if you’d ask him he’d say if mama ain’t happy, nobody is happy, which may or may not be so true. There seems to be a code amongst men that says happy wife, happy life. Laughing. At least this is what he quotes on a regular basis and then smiles really big.
Third…follow your heart no matter what. We new we were right for each other. We felt we were right for each other. Had we not followed our hearts we both would be…well I don’t know nor do I want to go there.
For now, I know I’ve learned the only thing that really matters in life is to follow your heart, and to live finding fun in each and every day.